Sisyphusella

The problem with being an avid YouTube watcher with a wide range of interests is that I keep realising things.

Notably I keep learning that many of the things I do aren’t actually ‘typical’. Menopause is the gift that keeps on giving, let me tell you! The more that oestrogen declines, the more other behaviours come to the fore.

The amount of times lately I have watched people talking about their own lived experience with Autism and ADHD, or seen someone listing “you might have ADHD if...” and had a PING! moment where it sinks in that I do ‘that thing’ too.

Um. So. Yeah.

I don’t do all the things that others do (it’s a spectrum right?) but I do enough or experience enough to make me rethink where I’m at.

Coping mechanisms that used to work no longer do. (I didn’t realise they were coping mechanisms until they stopped working)

My brain doesn’t function the way I’m used to it doing.

What I now know was hyperfocus (when I had all my own hormones) has changed and is now mixed in with HYPOfocus.

Don’t get me started on things I now find deeply uncomfortable to watch, that never used to bother me. Someone pours cake batter into a mold and it spills? I have to look away. Someone uses a fork to mix pancake batter and it scrapes on the bowl? RAGE. Cooks on the telly leave oil or cream or whatever coating bowls and pans and don’t scrape them out with a spatula? I start to twitch.

I will go hours without drinking water, but always remember to drink tea. (That might just be a me thing.)

I’ll cook something, and enjoy the chopping and the cooking but then when that fun bit is done, I just forget it, or plain don’t want to eat it any more.

Hi. My name is Lisa and I am a confused individual.